Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
