I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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