Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
