Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
