she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
