girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
