hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
