I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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