How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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