New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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