the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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