Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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