Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
