don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
