doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
