Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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