I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
