I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
