Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
