I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
