Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i now understand why vodka
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
