you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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