I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
