My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
