would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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