so that wasnt chicken after all
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
