well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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