If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everything about him screamed your future.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
