Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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