I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
