heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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