My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
