My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
