Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
