I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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