eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
