i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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