I faked an abortion last night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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