I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My cat gives me a boner
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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