Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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