It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love having hate sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
