I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
