Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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