Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
