oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
