I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
