Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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