I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
