Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
