good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
