Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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