dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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