Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
